A Life Filled With Animals , Never Has A Dull Moment

Hello and welcome back:

 I know, I know it's been a long time since I have wrote a blog, and for that "Lord I apologize"  Work has been taking up a great deal of my time, and for that I am thankful, I love my job even on the hard says, when all is said and done, I still love my job. I figured you would all want an update on the daily life and antics of our pets and I have a few minutes to spare before I get out of my warm cozy pjs and into not so comfy and far from warm scrubs. So sit back, get comfy , grab your favorite beverage of choice and join me on an epic journey of a life filled with animals.

 I awoke at the first crack of the sparrows fart this morning, and not to the sound of my alarm clock, or shall I say the one that has a gentle tone of beep beep beep, that goes off everymorning at 6:30am, instead I awoke to the sound of purring, a furry little body, a very rough tongue and good morning kisses, sounds kind of nice and somewhat kinky in a way doesnt it, sadly for my sake and your vivid imagination it wasnt the kind of wake up call that says whoooooooooo eeeeeeeeeeeee mama's happy. It was Spirit deciding that at 5:30am since hes awake,,, why shouldnt I be?

 I tried the whole pushing him away, he just ran faster, I tried ducking my head under the covers, come to find out, Spirit thought that was a new game and discoverd hes damn good at ducking under the covers as well, I put the pillow over my face, only to open one eye and discover one eye was looking at me, and it wasnt the one on the cats face, yes ladies I got the ole stink eye at 5:30am from a cat who should consider himself lucky to be alive. Spirit then goes from shoving his furry little ass in my face to now taking over my pillow that I have removed from my face, gives me the look as if to say, hey lady whats your problem? all I wanted in the first place was your pillow.

 I nicely get back to sleep only to be disrupted again, this time not by a cats ass, or any other part of his body, but by the alarm clock telling me my lazy ass had better get out of bed and start my day.  I can do this I tell myself, self replies, the verdict is still out on this one, but Im praying for you. This self person has new found religious views Im guessing.  My bare feet on the cold floor tell me two things, 1) That bitch we call winter has made its return and 2) I need my slippers.  I look for my slippers the whole while saying how bloody cold the floor is and when I find my slippers my feet as well as the rest of my body, mainly my bladder, will thank me.  Slippers are not in their usual spot by my side of the bed, I get down on all 4's looking for them when Spirit awake from blissful slumber decides COOL MOMS PLAYING A NEW GAME and jumps on my back. I feel like Im Steve Irwin and am wrestling the biggest baddest crocodile there has ever been seen, my many years of being a faithful watcher of his show taught me that a good croc always goes for the death roll, so I tucked and rolled, the cat went flying and my dignity was once again restored,,,, for awhile.

 I eventually found my slippers, they were in the bathroom and Moses felt that if he couldnt wear them they could at least be used as a bed, ever try moving a 20 pound cat who wants nothing of the sort? To put it lightly it was an ugly scene but yet again "The Cat Hunter" prevailed and my slippers were once again on my feet. I should have known by now that look Moses gives as if to say, hey lady you can think all you want that you won, but I WILL get you back, you will never know when or why , but Moses always gets what he wants.   From there I go to awaken the troops, from one I get IM AWAKE FOR GOD SAKES you and those damn cats woke me up, from another I get a grunt, still not sure which is worse, being yelled at or grunted at, I will let you know when I figure it out.

 Maverick by this time is doing the  I have to pee dance, and if you dont soon hurry up I assume no responsibility for the puddle on the floor, the dog is out, his dish is full, my coffee is in my cup, the kids lunches are made, there I tell myself,,, time for my whores breakfast, coffee and a smoke, when all of a sudden I am surrounded by two not so happy cats staring at me, and from me to their food dish, it seems as though I had somehow forgotten to give them their moist food, that my friends is breaking every rule possible. Before the cats start doing their kung fu kitty I feed them and because they looked so cute sitting beside each other I reached down to give them loving caresses, instead what I got in return was the evil eye from spirit, and a bat on the hand by moses, guess he thought I was going to dive right into his liver pate and have myself a feast.

 From there the kids have come down, grunted their good mornings, got their stuff and went to catch their big yellow limo to school, I turn around in time to see the cats under the christmas tree, freshly put together by  my loving hands yesterday, Spirit has never seen one before and as of yesterday took no great interest in it, moses on the other hand has seen them before and knows full well that given the chance this can be a cats dream . I clap my hands and tell moses to scram, I can see that look in his eye, hey wee man watch this, and could invision his fat ass scaling the top and knocking my angel to the floor, spirit by this time has taken interest in it especially now that he saw me put the run to moses. I see the look in his eye and the paw go in the air, I was on him like buzzards on a gut wagon, sadly for my sake just as I stood up and tried to make the cat scram, the dog thought I was going to hurt wee man, and ran to his rescue barking at me, and his mouth was so close to my hand I felt his breath, I stood there for a second thinking, maverick my protector just stuck up for a goddamn cat !!!! Thats  loyality at its best right there, an 80 pound dog protecting a 7 pound cat, what can I say, the cats are our dogs best friend. May you all have animals that in someways drive you nuts, but also give you that feeling like your home wouldnt be the same without them, and may it make you so happy, you too can say, I'm so happy I could shit rainbows, and fart fairy dust"