Monday, February 14, 2011

A Nannies Love

Hello and welcome back:

 Today is Valentines day,but for me its also a day filled with reflection, great memories and a sense of sadness. 13 years ago today we lost our beloved grandmother, the woman we all loved and held with high reguard and often times got great advice as well as love and laughter. So get comfy, get your favorite beverage of choice and come join me on a journey of a nannies love.   

 Our grandmother, my fathers mother lived with us, it was supposed to be for a month, and as the legend tells it, 30 years later she was still with us. She was the nannie every little girl dreams about, fluffy and soft, smelling of chantilly lace perfume and dumaurier king sized cigarettes. Always there with a hug and usually packing candy to go with those soft,  never ending chantilly lace/dumaurier king sized cigarettes hugs. Nan had a birthmark that took up one whole side of her face, I asked her once what it was, she responded, an angel gave me a kiss and that is her lipstick . It made me feel proud to know that the angel thought my nannie was as special as I did and it also made me a little afraid of lipstick, until the teenage years. 

 Nannie had spunk to put it lightly, she got up every morning at 8am, shuffled out to the kitchen and made the same breakfast every morning, toast, corn flakes, half a grapefruit and a cup of tea. From there she would get ready for her daily trip on the city bus to the mall, and hell hath no fury if you were sitting in "her seat" because she would on no uncertain terms tell you "thats my seat,,,, get out.  All the bus drivers knew her, some loved her, others not. But when my uncle passed away, all of those bus drivers one by one streamed into the funeral home and offered her their condolences, my nan never forgot that , looking back I dont think any of us did. I guess it was their way of giving thanks to the white haired lady with spunk who travelled on their buses on a daily basis. 

My nan had funny ways about her , she would ask you what the weather was like and no sooner would you tell her what it was doing outside, she would open the door, stick her hand out and promply tell you the weather conditions better then any meterologist ever could. She also had a passion for game shows, she would holler her answers at the tv as if the people inside the tv could magically hear her, and godforbid if they didnt listen because she would then yell, YOU STUPID ASS. Wheel of fourtune jeopardy , the price is right and press your luck were her favorites, it never failed to make me laugh when she would yell big bucks no whammies no whammies.  I think of my nan often as I watch wheel of fortune and I smile when I find myself yelling, you stupid ass. I also smile everytime I think of my grandmother yelling "your old ass" when someone told her something she didnt want to believe. My son Austin used that very line on my mother one day, mom said the hair stood up on the back of her neck thinking nannie was back to live another 30 years with her. Austin was just little when Nan passed away and to my knowledge never heard her say those words, guess Nan was watching over him giving him her classic line.

 Growing up with a nannie who lived with you had its perks, being the youngest of 9 kids I knew that all too well. She used to call me tiddlywinks, and in her eyes her little tiddlywinks could do no wrong. Everyday afterschool I would race home to see what special treat she would leave me in her little basket on her dresser, usually it was a piece of candy but sometimes I would hit the motherload, BON BONS, little coconut delights covered in a hardshell sugary candy, it was every little girlsdream and desire to come home and find those little beauties , she would also leave me little notes telling me not to tell anyone else,,, but I was her favorite, sorry to the rest of my siblings,, the secret is now out, tiddlywinks wins again. 

Other perks were coming home on wednesdays when in elementary school I only had to go until noon. I would arrive home to a feast of a mini chicken pot pie or mini pizza and a class of her sussex gingerale,found only in the maritime provinces. Together we would eat our lunch, sip away at our gingerale and yell at stupid contestents on game shows.  She also had a book that she would read to me, if I close my eyes I can still hear her husky voice read about Johnny being bad and throwing a rock at his grandmothers goose. She left me that book and inside she wrote, to my dear Loisann, I hope someday you will have children of your own that you can read "The old Goose" to and think of me when you do, all my love , nannie. I did as she wished, I had kids of my own and often read them that story, often times having to pause to clear my throat that got clogged with tears for my nannie.

 Nannie not only loved her grandkids, she also loved her great grandchildren, Adam, Peter, Courteney and Emily ,her first of many great grandchildren became fixtures in her life as well as her heart, they would come into the house running to see nannie, or as Peter called her , nannie dewheeze, instead of nannie Louise. She loved cantelope melon and she and Peter used to share it. Although the first time we realized Peter enjoyed the melon was when he was quite young and got around by means of a walker, that kid was like greased lightening in that thing, one minute he would be beside you the next you would hear the wheels and see a flash of red, as his little redhead would be off on another grand adventure of lets see where and what I can get into with this contraption, (thankfully due to to safety issues they stopped making them in the late 90s). Nannie was sitting at the table with us eating away on her melon wedge, when all of a sudden we heard the most ungodly sound, slurping and smacking, we turned around, and there was our little redheaded boy, whos face was now half covered by the rind of a melon wedge, seems as though Peter was dumpster diving into the garbage can and decided nannie dewheezes melon looked good. Poor nan was horrifed, she jumped up got out a new melon and diced it up for him , imagine her baby eating from a garbage. Good news is, Peter is now 25 and the dumpster diving incident didnt harm him. Hes alive and well and now a chef, I wonder if he still likes melon.

 Nannie also had funny little sayings or do funny things. Some examples are, right after eating she would begin tapping her fingernails on the table humming, hmm hmm hmm, mom would look up from her meal and say deserts coming nan, ( the woman loved sweets), from there the tapping and hmm hmm hmming would continue until not only did she get her desert but also her tea. Mom would say, cup of tea nan, Nannie would reply, well if your making it. She also used to come in from outside, turn on every light in the house and then bellow "where was moses when the lights went out" Dad would finally reply, in the goddamn dark saving money on the electricity bill. 

There wasnt anything my nannie couldnt knit or crochette, she made my two older sisters ponchos back in the late 60s early 70's when they were the in thing, and she knit my brother Stephen a green sweater and matching hat, that he lost when the school caught fire. As she got older and her eyes gave her trouble she switched from knitting to search a word books, often times never actually finding the word but circling randoms letters. Nannie loved to play cards and board games, and god strike me dead for saying it but the woman also loved to cheat. Playing snakes and ladders with me when I was 5 SHE CHEATED, her rules stated during her turn that you went up the snakes as well as the ladders, but when it came my turn I had to follow the offical hasboro game rules of you land on a snake you went down the snake, I never minded, we played that game for hours. She loved 45's as well and legend has it that she was quite good at slipping a card up her sleeve a time or two. But for every gambling sin she had she got aboslution from every sunday at churh and even in the lords house she had her own seat, and the devil bedamned if you happened to be sitting there.

 My nannie also gave advice, most of the time it worked in our favor, for my brother stephen one time her advice was helpful although left him with a burning sensation. You see, Studly aka stephen got a terrible case of the roids, so bad infact that he was supposed to have surgery. Upon hearing this, my grandmother said surgery bedamned, what you do is put some vicks vapor rub on those hemmoroids, it will clear them right up. The woman at this point was in her 80's a legend of her time, she was old, she knew all the rememdies so Stephen did what she said. Even though the poor man nearly cleared the roof at first impact of the vicks vapor rub hitting his arse, the good news is he never needed that surgery and til this day I dont think has ever had a reoccurence of the roids again. Moral of the story is listen to the old folks, they know what they are talking about, and you never need a weatherman to tell you what to expect, if an older person says it must be going to rain because their knees are cracking, chances are good that within the next 12 hours you will get rain.

 My grandmother lead a rich life, not in the way of money, but with love, laughter and faith. She married the love of her life and had 3 kids, and went on to have many great grandkids whom she loved like there was no tomorrow. Sadly with age her memory started fading, she no longer knew who we were often times calling me her daughters name, I was no longer tiddlywinks, but deep down I knew, I would forever be that little girl she read the old goose story to, the one who would watch gameshows and sip ice cold gingerale with and I would always be her tiddlywinks.  On Valentines day 1998, I awoke to the ringing of the telephone to hear my mom say, Ive got some bad news for you, nannie passed away, at those words, time stood still and I was again that little girl rushing home afterschool to see what special treat was left for me, I was surrounded by that fluffy soft hug and her husky voice telling me she loved her little tiddlywinks best.

Nan was a lover of the gospal songs, she would sit in church and tap her little foot to the music, my sister janet remembering this she laughed because she said she could just see nans little foot tapping away as her favorite hymn played during her service, I was 4 months pregnant with Isaac at the time and during the singing Isaac kept the beat and sadly my bladder felt it as well. After the service, my sister said to the minister I didnt mean to laugh during the service, he said laughter is a good thing, through life and death, its how Nannie would have wanted it.I bet her little feet were keeping time to the music up in heaven as she looked down at us saying arent my grandchildren beautiful to anyone who would listen. She used to have a grandmas brag book which she would fill with all of our pictures and that woman would show it to anyone who would look, to her we were more then grandkids, we were a look into the future, we would be the ones to keep her memories alive as well as make new ones and someday have grandkids of our own, and tell them all about the fiesty grandmother who lived with us and taught us about love, laughter and family.  I miss my nannie terribly, but I know that she is happy now, shes with my grandfather, my father and my uncle, and is watching over us.  Sometimes I get a little whiff of chantilly lace perfume and I smile, because I know nan is around watching her little tiddlywinks all grown up with kids of her own. May you all be blessed with that special grandmother, and may it make you all so happy you to can say "I'm so happy I could shit rainbows and fart fairy dust"

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Kitty Cat Bliss And Mama Is Pissed

Hello and welcome back:

 First blog of 2011 and we are already into February, what the hell happened you asked, well sit back get comfy and grab your drink of choice and come join me on an epic tale of Kitty cat bliss and mama is pissed. 

One thing I learned in college was there are no guarentees in life and especially in animal medicine, point taken I got that part, but no where and I do mean no where was I taught that at some point in your career of being a technician will some little creature tug on your heartstrings so badly that you feel your life and family just wont be complete until they are forever in your heart as well as your home, now enters Miss Ella Blue, a gorgeous steel gray long haired tabby cat that did indeed do all of those things mentioned above. I knew nothing about her life as I prepped her for surgery, I knew nothing of her life as I kept a close eye on her stats as she was under the knife, nor did I know anything of her life as I held her in my arms as she woke up, yawned and looked into my eyes, what I did know at that point was, she was beautiful !!!  

 The next day I was told her owner was there to take her home, little did I know that this woman is a close friend of the vet I work for and she brought the cat into be spayed because someone dropped her off at her home because for some reason they didnt see the beauty that I did. The woman realized that the cat and I were like contestants on the chuck wollery game show "the love connection" she explained the case to me and said if you want her you can have her. I looked around to see if there were any other technicians around me, could she possibly be talking to me ?? To my relief she was , I never hesitated and said I would love to give her a home.  Long story short, I never thought at this point to even attempt to call Trevor at work to clear it with him, the little voice in my head said, remember what he always says, "What my baby wants, my baby gets" well his baby wanted this cat and guess what, his baby got her. I told him later that night when he called home, he wasnt upset, just a little concerned about what Moses would do. To say that Moses saw little hearts floating above his head when Ella first came home would be wrong, instead he saw red and took every oppertunity to show me he wasnt impressed, mostly with more ambushes then normal and  yacking up furballs in my slippers.

Moses and Ella still are not friends although Moses is trying, Ella is having nothing of it. She and Spirit get along quite well, and when the other two are staring each other down making noises that Im sure are only heard in really bad 70's pornos, Spirit sits on his butt in the middle of them and puts his little paws in the air like he is Rodney King saying cant we all just get along, sadly neither cat listens to Spirit aka Rodney and continues the porno talk and staring down. It will get better is what I keep telling myself and self replies thats right girlfriend think positive and pour yourself another shot of fireball. Come to find out, Self is a very smart person, who knew?

 A heartfelt story isnt it, but if you know my animals then you know they have done something by now to put a hitch in this little redheads giddyup, and you would be correct in that assumption, so refresh your drinks and join me now for the continuing story of kittycat bliss and mama is pissed. 

 Trevor is a very smart man, but like every other human in this world sometimes he doesnt always make great choices and this part of my blog entry is a classic example ,,, the damn fool bought cat nip !!!! Sure they say its all natural but I still say its like weed for cats, or at least in Moses case it turned out to be. His eyes got big as saucers, he flew up in the air, landed none to gracefully on the clothes hamper and then as though in slow motion fell from that did a flip through the air and landed on his feet with a look on his face as if to say, LETS DO THAT AGAIN. 

From there he rolled around on his back with his feet in the air and I swear to god he was laughing, either that or he was yacking up a furball, he sniffed some more and did a few more leaps of faith and then,,,, he got the munchies, the damn cat ate half a bowl of kibble and then sniffed the dogs ass to see if he was packing anything tasty, Maverick had a look of fear and promply sat down, sadly on the cats head.  I made Trevor put up the catnip and also made him promise me that not only was it securely closed but also put away, oh yes hun it is he replies. 

Two nights later when Trevor is back in Moncton leaving me faced with this feeling of this queen sized bed is to damn big without him snuggled beside me and that bitch named insomnia is yet again making her presence known.  After flipping , flopping and turning my pillow over to the cool side for the 50th time that night I finally doze off only to be awaked by an animal running through the house, jumping, leaping, meowing and running up and down the stairs so fast it sounded like a herd of horny elephants. I tell Spirit to stop it and go to sleep, only to roll over and come face to face with Spirit !!!  It was Moses making all the noise, a storm must be coming I tell myself and again finally drift off to a fitfull sleep.

 At 6:30am the next morning I wake up to the blaring of the alarm, the meowing of cats, the pacing of Maverick doing his I really have to pee dance and one hell of a migrain from not getting enough sleep. I leave the comfort of my warm cozy bed to place my feet onto the cold floor and go rouse the troops and feed the zoo, the whole time complaining to the cats that I could feed them alot faster if they would stop trying to kill me on the stairs. As I round the corner to enter the living room I let out a shriek that I knew had to have reminded the kids to get up and ready for school.

The sight that laid before my eyes looked like a very large bag of weed exploded in our living room. Apparently Trevor not only didnt secure the bag of catnip closed he also didnt lock it up and throw away the key either. It is now Wednesday night and after vacuuming numerous times there is still catnip everywhere and Moses still hasnt completley come down off his cat nip high nor has his case of the munchies subsided any. I guess you could say Moses is so happy he could shit rainbows and fart fairy dust. 

And to you my loyal readers , I hope you to have animals in your life that make you so happy you too can say, "I'm so happy, I could shit rainbows and fart fairy dust"