Confessions Of A Fruity Pebble Addict.

Hello and welcome back:

  I know, I know it's been forever since I last wrote a blog entry, but let me explain.  I have been busy enjoying my break from work, well the work I got paid to do, for now until it gets busy at work again I stay home and do lots of work I may not get paid money for, but the rewards of a nice tidy home, freshly washed, dried and folded with love laundry and the occasional decent meal made by my hands, often times out weigh the job I brought home a decent pay every two weeks, at least I dont have to claim taxes on freshly washed drawers and a clean turlet. But I do have a slight confession to make, so sit back, get comfy and grab your favorite beverage of choice and join me on an epic tale of "confessions of a fruity pebble addict"

 Picture it, Fredericton New Brunswick Canada, roughly 3 weeks ago. It was a beautiful Saturday morning, ok so the weather was rather dismal however, my sunny disposition made it seem like it was a balmy 30 degrees in mid June. You see, Trevor decided that since we had just bought a brand new 2010 Dodge Avenger, and we had fresh off the presses, brand new passports we should make a quick dash across the border into the Great U S of A . I was so happy I could shit rainbows and fart fairy dust. I could barely sleep Friday night, and with saying that Im sure I kept Trevor up a good part of the night as well. But non the less we arose early that Saturday morning, had a cup of coffee, grabbed a shower and jumped into our car, did I mention its a brand new 2010 Dodge Avenger???  

 From Fredericton NB to Houlton Maine, its only about an hour and a half away, we talked, sipped away on our drinks, bottled water for me, caffeine free coke for Trevor, we laughed, talked about work, the kids, commented on vehicals that were nice, but not as nice as our new baby, and sang away to songs on the radio, let me clairify, I sang, Trevor did his best not to take his hands off the wheel to plug his ears.  Finally we get to the border, there was a bit of a line up, but nothing and I mean nothing was getting me down, no siree, this little redhead was on a mission.  As we get closer to the guard, a bright light flashes, IM BLIND, no wait Ive regained my vision only to see the biggest african american man I have ever seen in my life standing there. Come to find out they take your picture as you near the border guard, a sign stating that may have been nice. 

This very large black man is standing there with his hand very near his side, by his side I may mention is a gun, he peers into our car and says" wheres ya all goin? To Houlton sir we reply, he takes our passports and seems very happy that I have them already for him, I guess it does pay to be organized. He then asks, wheres ya all from, Trevor replies Im from Moncton, I then squeak out, Im from Fredericton, he asks how long we will be over there, oh only a few hours my chauffer replies, and then the man squats down so he can actually look at us, gives us a wink and says "Y'all have a nice time" Im thinking to myself,dear jesus did we take a wrong turn, are we now headed to the deep south, I later find out that some people in the states just sound rather southern even though they are a mere hour and a half from us in Fredericton New Brunswick Canada. I could have listened to that man talk all day, however I was on a misson. It took all my strength not to tell Trevor to "GIVE ER" and peel on out of there unto my destination.

 Oh my I was shaking with anticipation, I had to piss like a racehorse but didnt want to take the time, I was hungry but didnt want to cave into my growling belly, Trevor however had other plans, pee first, then eat. Goddamnit all to hell I explode, what if they are all gone before we get there, Oh wise one pats me on the head and reassures me that he is sure they will have plenty. I say to myself, well if they dont WE WILL go to every store until we find them. Self replies, Trevor help me I think shes lost it.  By now my bladder is relieved, and my belly is full of 2 pieces of kentucky fried chicken, the extra crispy kind, because you cant get it that way in CANADA, can we go yet I ask, Trevor sighed and pushed away the last mouthful of green beans and said yessssssssssss. WHOOPPIEEE I rejoice.

 Oh Boy I yell as I run to the car, or what I thought was our car, give me a break we had only had it one day , so I mistook a ford for a dodge, shoot me. Trev then went on to tell me when I get confused, look for the temporary license plate sticker on my side of the windshield, point taken, its bright orange how could I have ever missed it. From KFC we go to a store called Mardens, their commercial says, shoulda bought it when I saw it at mardenssssssssssss, the 5 minute drive there I sang that song about 5 times, even going through the store I was humming it, the whole while willing Trev to just scan not stop and give full inspection on every little artical. I did buy a few things there, a 12 pack of legal pads for $3.99, for note taking I told him, a stock pot for $8, for making homemade soup was my reply, and a bra for 50 cents, my response to that was if they dont hold the girls in, I will suspend it from the tree one cup can be filled with bird seed, the other cup full of water, always the animal welfare activist. The birds will say, look Ethel the cup really does runnith over.

 Praise be Jesus, we are finally out of Mardens and onto my destination, when I yelled, I should have bought it when I saw it at mardens, they had a 24 pack of bic pens for $5, Trevor said I figured you would knowing you have an obsessive compulsion for pens, my reply was , more money left to buy what I came for, and now my friends you are about to find out what it was that had my knickers in a twist. Yes my friends, it was a ya ba daba do moment. My name is Lois, and I am a fruity pebble addict. This is where you should all say, Hi Lois,,,, IM WAITING !!!!! Fine dont support me, I will get over it,,,, in due time.

I flew open the car door before Trevor had made a complete stop, forgot my seatbelt was still on and for a brief second, had a jesus take the wheel moment. Through the parking lot I trotted singing flintstones, meet the flintstones, leaving poor little Trevi in my dust. He finally caught up to me in time to catch my purse as I threw it near the closest cart, hoping it would land in there. Up and down the isles I raced, nearly taking out two bluehaired ladies in my quest to find the modern stone age family. I knew I had to be getting closer because I could smell the aromatic scent of my beloved fruity pebbles, and oh sweet mary magdeline did I ever. Actually, for the record I have to admit it was Trevor who found them, well a distant cousin to the brand name but a much larger bag, a 2 pound bag I may add for over 2 dollars cheaper then an actual box of the real deal, seen in the picture above, I grabbed a bag, my little fingers itching to just grab one more for good measure, Trevor must have noticed my desire, because he said for that price you might as well get another bag, WHOO BABY, that landed him a big ole smack on the yap, I bet if he had of known 2 bags of fruity pebbles would cause a kiss like that he would have told me to get as many as my little belly desired.

 To the checkouts we went, and I must admit I did feel a little foolish slamming my bags of cereal on the conveyer belt, you see we also bought a 2lb bag of knock off berry capt crunch and a 2 lb bag of chocolatley pebbles, ( Trevor picked those not me !!! ), So I felt I should explain myself to the young cashier with hair dyed so orange she rather resembled casey from mr dressup.

Mr Dressup, I told you not to buy me Herbal Essence Hair Dye

I quickly explained to her that we cant get fruity pebbles in Canada, she then went on to tell me with the most concerned voice heard only in bad soap operas, that they have discontinued making herbal essence hair dye, her favorite brand, well honey if your hair is any indication of what that hair dye does, PRAISE JESUS, they decided to save other helpless victims was what I was thinking to myself, self for once actually agreed with me.

My mission complete I was now ready to come back to Canada, home of damn cold winters, mosquitos as big as hummingbirds in the summer and our beloved national symbol, the beaver. But not before I reenacted my Ikea commercial of the woman coming out of the store with all of her bags yelling, START THE CARRRRRRRRRR, after all I wanted the americans to know Canadians are also known for their sense of humor, as well as snow, mosquitos and beavers. 

 On the way home my belly took to grumbling so bad it sounded like distant thunder, I later found out it was the KFC I had for lunch trying to make its escape, by the time I got back home I was one fart away from blowing a hole in my drawers. After a day filled with my singing for an hour and a half, racing through isles nearly knocking over blue haired ladies on their quick trip to walley world before bingo and faining deep concern for the casey look alike, I was ready to settle down and have a delicious bowl of my bounty, I was shaking so badly I could barely pour it into the bowl, but after a few deep breaths I was able to achieve what I drove an hour and a half for, yup you guessed it, FRUITY PEBBLES.

Trevor, on the other hand was ready for a much needed nap after that trip and I am almost positive I heard him humming the tune of , its alright to be a redneck as he went up the stairs, I on the other hand, was so happy I could shit rainbows and fart fairy dust, my cousin Peggy told me not to each to much of that colorful cereal or I would be shitting rainbows, I told her it was a risk worth taking. 

 I hope you all find something in your life that gives you as much joy and happiness that you to can say, "I'm so happy, I could shit rainbows and fart fairy dust"