Things You Learn At 3AM

Hello and Welcome Back

 I can't tell you how good it feels to have the time and ambition to once again write my blog. Like the old song says "It's been a long time comin" So sit back, grab your beverage of choice, get comfy and join me on an epic adventure of "Things You Learn At 3AM.

 I guess I should start by warning you all in advance that as I am writing this blog is truly is 3AM here In Fredericton NB, I am pajama clad, my hair is in such a wild state it could almost be considered sexy and is jacked so high I am almost certain it is reaching for Jesus. I wish I could say that bitch named insomnia is once again at my door, it would have made this so much more simple. A nightquil shooter and off to la la land I would be. However my mother's expression of "what happened to you, did you shit the bed" rang true this morning. And for once I am happy to report the said "shitter of the bed" WAS NOT ME !!!!. 

 No instead it was our beloved once clean, snow white, so fresh from the groomer she still smelled pretty, angel in my eyes, tugger on my heart strings dog Piper. I guess giving her a few minced up pieces of roast beef was one of those, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" kinda things. We went to bed at 10pm, Maverick Piper and I were snug as bugs in my queen sized bed. Her sweet little warm body pressed up against me, Maverick's oversized carcass under the covers, head on the pillow taking up half the bed, and snoring so loud for a moment I felt sure Trevor was home and sleeping beside me. We drifted off to dreamland knowing the sooner we got to sleep the sooner Trevor would be home, I fell asleep with a smile on my face and a full heart. What I awoke to could only be desribed as "A shitty mess". I have always fancied myself a hot mess, but today will always be remembered as a shitty mess.

So here I was at 3am jumping out of bed yelling NOOOOOOOOOOO dont step in it, Maverick thinks my jumping around is a new game, so he too joins in the fun, Piper thinks its a game of hide and go seek so she runs through the mess and dives under the covers. She reappears looking like she went to one of those fancy spas and had a mud  bath. Now I love Jesus, but I drink a little, and lord knows I have had my share of being well,,,, shit faced. But never in any of my fireball induced benders have I ever literally come away from the experience covered in shit. My worst fears have come into action. "Bathing a petrified dog". That's why I happily pay our groomer, and after the mess I cleaned up I am even more appreciative of her !!!!

 To the bathroom we go, one shit covered dog, one half asleep get me the hell out of this situation owner. There was never a thought of spot washing, or even sponge bathing at this point, to the tub we go. She is shaking so bad I am worried she may have another explosion, I am shaking so bad I fear I may drop her. In the end it went pretty well. Maverick our faithful and large dog with a huge heart, got out of his comfort zone and put his front paws in the water to show Piper there was nothing to be afraid of, and lowered his head so she could clutch onto his chest with her wet yet stinky paws. She was lathered and rinsed before you could say "Holy crap on a cracker" I then set the blow dryer on low and got her looking almost as good as the groomer. I also discovered during this epic adventure, I can even put her little flower bow in her hair with minimal fuss, and when you are worried you may fall asleep with a still damp fresh from a 3am bath, that tiny little elastic that holds her hair in the little flower bow I am so found of, will wake you up in a hurry when you snap it against your fingers. It's a wonder I can still type and it leaves me wondering, does this injury classify a day off work.

 Our little snow white, angel in my eyes, tugger on my heart strings pooch is now sound asleep in her bed in the kitchen. I however am wired for 4-40 and figure there really isnt much sense or logical reasoning for me to try and sleep now, the alarm will be going off in 2 hours. Might as well make the most of it I tell myself, self says "Lady your one hot mess", to which I reply I'm a sexy hot mess and dont you forget it. Not everyone can pull off this look and come away from it looking half as good. So the things I have learned from this experience goes like this.

 Piper will never again eat even the smallest smackeral of roast beef.
For now on her little bed in the kitchen may very well soon become, her little bed in our bedroom. Never under estimate the power of a fart, even from an 8 pound dog, one good fart always leads to one powerful shit, my father always used to say, and boy dad were you ever right on this one. I have also discovered I am able to bathe my little dog and do a pretty decent job, however I will leave it to the expert and make grooming appointments as often as needed. I will always appreciate what effort goes into making our little girl look like a princess and will never forget to tip the lady who does all that hard work for me. I have also discovered that being up at the first crack of "Piper's fart" I can get alot done. Bedding is in the washer, kids lunches are made, garbage is taken out to the end of the driveway for pick up. One long over due blog written and an adorable once again, clean good smelling dog sound asleep at my feet.  May you all be able to find your silver lining to every cloud. And may you all be so happy, like me that you to can say "I'm so happy, I could shit rainbows, and fart fairy dust.