Things I wish I could explain to the cats

hello and welcome back

I know its been awhile since I have last wrote a blog entry, and to quote my hero Larry The Cable Guy "Lord I apologize"  But my life has been busy with school and working with the vet, and my other full time job, being a pet owner. So sit back, get comfy , grab your drink of choice and join me on an epic adventure of things I wish I could explain to the cats.

1) My alarm is set to go off every weekday at 7am, why must you feel the need to awaken me from blissful slumber at 6:59am expecting me to be all sunshine and roses, that extra minute really helps.

2) When Daddy is home and our bedroom door is shut, its for a reason. No amount of meowing, throwing your body at the door, or shoving your paws under the door franctically waving them to get our attention is going to work, I like your persistance though, it shows character.


3)  When will you ever learn that for everytime you get under my feet as I am walking to feed you, only prolongs your hunger. Also if you make me fall down the stairs and have my life flash before my eyes again you may end up waiting a full hour for my heart to stop racing before I can open that fresh can of moist food.

4) I dont need your assistance when trying to use the bathroom, I dont sit on your lap banging my head against yours as you sit on your litter box, also while we are on the subject, attacking the toilet paper as I am about to wipe my arse is not funny, painful yes but not funny, mental note,,,, time to clip your nails.

5)  Why must you groom yourself in the living room when we have company? are you trying to show off that you can put your back leg behind your ear??? Your not the only flexible little creatures in this house and some of us have longer legs then you.

6) Why , after you groom yourself incesently do you get upset if I happen to pet you exactly where you just spent 30 minutes grooming, I wash my hands with soap no less... yes Spirit,,, Im talking to you.

7) Why must you feel the need to assist me in the brushing of my teeth? I have been brushing my teeth for over 30 years and really dont see the need for you to wack into my toothbrush and drive it down my throat ! Thanks anyways, Dr Ramey would be pleased to know your concerned about my oral hygenine.

8) Why do you eat the worst ever smelliest food on this planet?? And then after eating your gourmet meal of salmon pate and quite possibly a little liver thrown in for good measure, do you have the desire to show your love for me by sticking your smelly little face in mine, and giving my face a bath with your stinky prickly tongue?? again Ive been washing my face for a very long time and I even use soap.

9) Why do you wait until I have finally just fallen asleep after another bout of insomnia, to attack my feet? Really are my size 7 feet taking up that much room on the bed?

10) Do you love me half as much as I love you? My life would not be complete without sandpaper kisses and life flashing before my eyes ambushes. Do I make you so happy you can say "I'm so happy I could shit rainbows and fart fairy dust"

To those of you who have pets , hold them close to your heart , spoil them rotten and be thankful to have them in your life. May you all be blessed with such great pets as we have and may you all be so happy , you to can say, "I'm so happy, I could shit rainbows, and fart fairy dust"