MESSAGE FROM MOSES

Greetingsssssss Infidelssssssss


 It is me Moses the cat ! I have hidden the human's camera and extra batteries and slipped a healthy dose of fireball into her coffee when she wasnt looking. She is now sleeping with drool hanging off her lip and has a fireball induced haze look on her face.  Pay back to her for ambushing me with a brand new kitten !!!  Let me fill you in on a little secret infidellllssssss, I may look like a cat, smell like a cat and deposit fresh meadow muffins in a litter box like a cat, but in my heart of hearts, I AM A DOG !!!! 


 I dont like cats ! or so I thought.  She brings this new creature into MY home Tuesday, she didnt even let a brother know before hand, just carries him in expecting me to say ohhhh look a new cat !  I looked at this little orange fluff ball and all I could think was mmmmmmmm LUNCH ! I hissed, I was pissed, not so much at the cat but at the human.  I growled, I hissed, I got even !


 And what does the human do??? says oh Moses get over it you DRAMA QUEEN !!!! I'll KILLLL YOUUUU" is what first came to mind, but Im not a violent fellow so I took off upstairs and rubbed my ass all over her pillow. Nothing brings a good night sleep better then the fresh smell of cat ass on a pillow.  I laughed, the human didnt.  I must say I did have fun making her life hell for 3 days. You see when she wasnt looking, small fry and I have become pretty good pals. His real name is like me a holy name, a name sent down from Heaven, his name is " Spirit" but hes so puny I call him small fry, he doesnt mind.


 The human even brought in moist food, warmed in that metal contraption that dings when its done, 15 seconds, no more no less and I am in liver pate extasy !!.  The human caught us eating together yesterday DAMNIT my gig is up, she even captured it on her camera. She is gloating,, yes I won I won. I was feeling generous so I didnt have the heart to tell her, you didnt win shit, we have been pals since you brought him home, its just never been when you were looking.  Small fry/spirit is a funny little fellow, he sleeps, eats, takes a shit in the litterbox as she sits down to eat her human food, perfect I say another body in the house who will go along with my evil plan of plotting innocent ambushes just to see the human fall on her ass.


 " The God" FINALLY arrives home today, thank you jesus for that, he has been away all week and it has left the human to be a garage door widow and me a "garage door orphan" "My God" will give me all the belly rubs and moist food I want, "My God" is an awesome god.  The beast is surely enjoying this new cat , he grooms him so much its a wonder the cat has any fur left on him. Cause you know there has got to be something said for a bald pussy MEOWWWWWWWW  !!!!  I didnt believe the human when she told me that spirit is 6 months old, he looks like hes 3 months. So I asked him to produce some evidence, first he stuck his ass in my face and said "DO YOU SEE ANY NUTS" ok point taken, like me he is nutless, he then opens his mouth wide and says "do these look like kitten teeth to you" I quickly reply "NO SIR they dont but holyyyyy shitttttttttt are we going to have fun attacking her feet while she sleeps now."


 So let me be the first to admit to you all,,,,,, I like "Spirit" hes tiny but hes mighty, hes fearless, even when I got all up in his grill and bitch slapped him, he looked at me as if to say oh no you didnt mutha f**ka, so there you have it my infidels, we are bro's from different Ho's. But the human best not think another cat would be so welcomed into our home, us brothas has got to stick togetha on this one.


 May your lives all be filled with catnip highs and liver pate dreams, and may you all be so happy  you can say "I'm so happy I could shit rainbows and fart fairy dust"  Now I need to go revive the human, get her up and cleaning the love shack before "The God" arrives home, and it will be funny for small fry and I to trip her up as she vacuums.