Tuesday Morning Tidbits

Greetings Infidelsssssssssssss

  It is me ,, Moses , aka super slueth, super smart, and yes ladiesssssssss, super sexy.  My human tells me since the "operation" I am a dud, to that I say you my infidel are the dud, and I am a stud.  Just to freak her out and make her wonder if the "operation" really worked, I hump her pillow, and not only do I hump it I bite it as well, now that my friends is some funny shit.

 The human is around here somewhere, I saw her wild looking hair walk by earlier and let me just say this, it was not walking to fill my dish to full capacity.  She was making herself her traditional breakfast of a coffee and a cigerette, I think my grandma calls it a whoressssssss breakfast.  With a hairstyle like shes got going on today, I dont think she would get any offers,  ohh I love when I am evil. I got her good yesterday, she waddles out of the bathroom all wrapped in a towel, as she is bending over, getting ready to dry her hugely long moose legs, I pounced from the very top of the closet and landed right beside her head on the bed. She screamed, dropped the towel, and I felt sure I was going to have nightmares for weeks, mentle note , dont scare the human when shes only in a towel.  That reminds me I must make "The God" an eye appointment in the very near future.

 She has books strewn from asshole to appetite in what was once my nice clean home, no thanks to her of course, and all thanks to "the God".  He not only cooks, he also cleans,  he is pretty slick with a vacuum and holds that mop with excellent form.  On the weekend "the God" spoiled me, he bought me fancy feast cat food, "My God" is an awesome God ! He bought the human two funny looking shirts, one has a mouse all over them, I think he must be catholic because she keeps calling him "Mickey". The other one  has some little fairy on it, Stinkerbell I think is what the human refered to it as, Let you in on a little secret, that woman has a speech inpediment, she calls elephants, effalunts, and cucumbers ,cumcupers ! Must be from trying to say all those 20 syllable words she "reads" from that mammoth book.  

 No matter what I did Sunday night, the human refused to let me enter "My Bedroom" I strolled in, she kicked me out, I snuck in, she kicked me out, I rolled on my back , stuck my legs in the air, let out a purr and what usually works for the human and makes "The God" get that look in his eye, didnt work for me, even my god, who usually is an awesome god, kicked me out.  Said something along the lines of this isnt for your eyes buddy.  I tried to tell him, in reality big boy, its your bad eyesight and a slight buzz from a whole bottle of french cross wine, that makes her look so damn hot.  I stormed downstairs, wacked the dog across the head, raced back upstairs, threw my body againt the door, meowing, purring, begging, and you know what I got????  The human said go away cat we are busy !!!!! The nerve of some infidelssssssssss.  To get her back , when she got up at 3am to use the bathroom, I kicked open the vanity door and scared the living shit out of her, cause that my friend is how this bitch rolls.

  Today I figure I will go easy on her, she looks tired, rather stressed and somewhat sad today,  She told the tiny humans that she has 3 tests tomorrow on animal nutrition , to that I say GREATTTTTTTTTTTTT guess I will have to wait til tomorrow night before she remembers not only do I enjoy my kibble, but I also like my moist food, warmed up for ten seconds no less no more, and stirred into my glass dish.  I hope she does well on those tests, otherwise its going to be a very long week, that is, until"the God" returns back home, to give me love, affection and most importantly moist food, "my god" is an awesome god ! 

 May you all be blessed with fancy feast fajitas and cat nip filled fun and like the human says, may you all be so happy that you can say "Im so happy I could shit rainbows and fart fairy dust"