Welcome From The Zoo

Hello and welcome back

 I would love to be able to proclaim that my first day off on my 3 day vacation from class has been thrilling, exciting and down right memorizing, however I CANT ! So sit back , get comfy, grab your drink of choice and join me on my thrilling adventure of a college student on a 3 day vacation !

Today as the alarm went off at 6:45am I flew out of bed, slammed my toasty toes into my welcoming slippers, greeted the day with hello you sexy bitch and stumbled my way into the bathroom.  I am mid squat on the turlet when the vanity door kicks open, a ball of fur flies into the air, and the look of death is fast upon me.  You see Moses aka the cat from heaven or hell depending on the day took refuge and rest on the freshly washed, dried and folded with love and care towels. And according to the nasty look on his face either the bright light or the blaring of the trumpet disrupted his rest.  I tell him all the time, you sleep in the bathroom your bound to be awoken by either the sound of waterfalls , big rigs honking hello or the sound of canadian geese honking for the right away.  He apparently doesnt get my bathroom humour as he still sleeps in there.  After the dirty look cast upon me , he figures he should mess with my mind a little. He grabs the toilet paper and runs, a fat cat with a huge ream of ass wipe following close behind, he bounces on it, thrashes it, bites it, and then decides hes ready to give it back to me, and has a hurt look on his face when I refuse to wipe my ass with it.

  From there he proceeds to untie the laces on my slipper,  sadly I didnt see this and damn near came to a sudden death when I not only tripped over him, but also my now untied laces.  He thinks this is a riot, he falls on his back, his legs are straight up in the air , and I swear the little furball from hell is laughing at me, he chokes on a furball, gets up, licks his ass and is now waiting for his food.  I awaken the troops, Isaac to has greeted the day with vim and vigor, no he isnt lucky like me and get 3 days off of school, but he has a basketball game today and that usually gets him up and moving pretty quickly.  Luke announces that he is sick, I think his exact words were, I think Im dying,,, I said welcome to my world, I see my life flash before my eyes every damn morning thanks to that cat, he is told to go back to sleep and as usual he listened to me.

  I come downstairs, trip over the cat, let out the beast to do his business and make Isaac's lunch, the whole while singing to myself its a beautiful day in the neighbourhood, because this little college girl is HAPPY no school for 3 days, endless cups of coffee, can do my homework in my jammies and the best part no boring 4 hour lectures.  As I open the door to bring in the beast, our neighbours puppy "prince" decides to come in for a visit, he did this the other night as well, cutest thing I have ever seen, he waddles on in and sits by the pantry door, he knows where the treats are. He is given 2 medi cal treats, a snuggle and kisses and sent back to his owner who by this time is standing on our backstep in her housecoat and slippers, saying that damn dog,,,,  I tell her all is well and hes welcome over anytime, close the door and get the stink eye from the cat !!!! He is PISSED !!!!!!  HOW DARE I give another pet kisses, snuggles and most importantly TREATS !  I tell the cat the treats were bigboys not his, suck it up buttercup and to avoid another ambush he to is given 4 or more of his own medi cal treats. The little bastard is so impressed with me he not only gives me lovins but I think we have a no ambush pact for the day going on, well I can hope anyways.

 From there Isaac is off to meet the big yellow limo, I am comfy with my jammies and first cup of coffee for the day and my day got even better, Trevor called to say good morning on his way into the office, yes my friends life is good and I am one lucky lady !!! I decide by this time I should get some more studying done, when the beast decides he didnt quite finish his "job" outside the first time and now needs back out. I open the door and now not only is prince standing there but also my other neighbours dog bandit, now bandit is a funny dog, shes all black and all attitude, but she lovessssssss me.  In they come, my living room is now alot smaller and alot furrier,  you get two giants and one well onto his way of being one  in a 3 bedroom duplex and let me be the first to tell you, theres not much room.  The cat is again pissed, how dare these drooling, farting, butt sniffing, infidels enter his domain !!!  I let them play I say to hell with it they are having fun , by this time my mother calls, she says lord thunderin jesus what is going on, I have to yell into the phone, maverick is having a playdate Ill call you back.

  By now the owners of the furbabies have discovered where their dogs are and come over to claim them.  I am happy, the cat is happy, and the beast is saddddddddd, his buddies are in time out and he doesnt have anyone to play with.  My area rug has more fur on it then a 70s porn chick, there is drool on every surface and I am by this point exhusted.  Its hard work feeding treats to three excited dogs.  I begin to study when I hear a knock at the door, I think dear god these dogs are freaking smart, they now know how to knock on the door. WRONG it was preacher boys telling me all about their god, I point to the sign on our front door that states, no soliciting of anykind, our dog has already been saved, send them on their merryway, flip the channel back to CNN and I lit another cigarette.

  Books are back in my pocession, my pen is in my hand and the phone rings, big mama isnt happy that I forgot to call her back !!!  We talk for 20 minutes she calls me a spoiled brat because I get three days to do nothing, to which I say so far ive done more in one hour then I have a week in class !!!!  I am happy to report I not only got to study, but also managed a nap. I figure now would be a good time to go make a piece of toast, its as fancy as I get , Trevor is the chef in the family, Im just the taste tester.

  I am waiting for my toast to pop when I WAS AMBUSHED.  Little bastard got me again,so much for the peace pact, he jumped onto my back, made his way to my shoulder, and then did the sweeetest thing ever, he licked my nose , banged his head off of mine, and gently climbed back down, this time to ambush the dog who is is still rather pissed with, for ignoring him and playing with other dogs !  I make my toast feeling quite happy and relaxed, turn around , get the shit scared out of me by Luke who I had forgotten was home and dropped my toast , butter side down onto the now fur covered floor.  Maverick is on that like a fat kid on cake, its ok I mutter I didnt want it anyways.

  The dog sets the toast down by the fridge and looks at the fridge, oh for christ sakes, apparently butter toast isnt good enough for him, he now wants a little strawberry jam spread on it as well. So what the beast wants, the beast gets, hes happy, Im famished and all and all it hasnt been a bad start to my 3 day vacation from class. " I'm so happy, I could shit rainbows and fart fairy dust"

  May you all be blessed with animals who drive you nuts , melt your heart and make you smile. And may you all be so happy that you to can say "I'm so happy I could shit rainbows and fart fairy dust"