Monday Morning Moments

Hello and welcome back


  Another great weekend is now over and our work week is back on us like a  bad bout of hemmeroids.   My Monday has started out better then past Monday's only because I awoke to good morning kisses from Trevor, and not the dog.  So sit back, get comfy and grab your beverage of choice and join me on my Monday Morning Journey.

  Trev and I had a great weekend, we did a little shopping, made some great meals together and went out for one meal Saturday evening.  Veggies nachos, no jose jalapanoes please, and diet coke.  It was like living in cheese heaven.  Last night we relaxed, after another terrific meal, made by as usual, Trevor ! He is the chef in the family, I however am just the taste tester.  Sure I help get veggies ready or make the rice, but he does the main course, and does it extreamly well.  Last night at chateau Johnston, we had pork loin, rice and steamed veggietables mmmm yummy.  Usually when Trevor is cooking I come out with the line, are you sure your last name isnt Campbells, cause baby you are MMM good ! Last night however , I had forgotten to, be it because my mouth was watering for all the great smells wafting from our kitchen , or it was because by this time I was so hungry I could have eaten the ass end out of a skunk !

  Supper is over, dishes are done, ( he even did the dishes god hes amazing) and I went down to do laundry.  I at this point discovered that Betty did not make it through the spin cycle, and was very saddened by this.  After Trevor pretended to play the "last post" on his imaginary bugle ( it actually sounded life like and he did a good job) for the passing of Betty, he brought me in a coffee, a butter tart and a kiss on the forehead.  From there we discovered that desperate housewives was a repeat, we were both a little pissy over that one, I guess I got Trev hooked on that show.  Finally we decide its time for bed, he has a two hour commute to work so an earlier bedtime is needed.

  I am telling Maverick the whole way up the 15 steps to heaven, he is not sleeping with us tonight, first and foremost, hes a bed hog, I end up being stuck in the middle, with not even enough room to wiggle my toes, let alone sleep with my head on Trevor's shoulder, and my foot resting on his, its the only way I can fall asleep, my foot has to be against his.  Maverick is NOT impressed by this and promply flops to the floor, sighing like his life is over.  The cat attempts to breach the perimeter, his mission is soon aborted, and he to finds his sulky little furry ass out in the hallway.  So for payback all night long I got to hear the jingle jingle of his bell connected to his collar.  I dont know if he is traning for the olympics or he was on a mission to destroy my rest, whatever the reason he is lucky to be alive this morning. 

  Trevor and I fall asleep, cheek to cheek, our little bums were like two warm loafes of bread, fresh from the oven, my foot was against his , ah life is great,,, or so I think.  I ended up wearing my night guard so I wouldnt clench my teeth as I drifted off to dreamland.  Great idea in theory, never one to repeat history, that thing is going in the garbage.  I woke up to a dull thud in my ass, oh sweet jesus, the beast has broken through the door and its his claws digging into me was my first thought.  I cautiously open one eye, look around and nope, no dog, by now I am really freaked out, what in bloody hell can be attacking my ass? And before you ask, no it wasnt Trevor, he was on his belly snoring away, his hands and other body parts nowhere near me, except his foot, he can move it away but even in my sleep, I find it again.  I reach down fearing what I may put my hand on and what should it be? MY NIGHTGUARD !!!! I must have spit the damn thing out in the night is all I know, or maybe in my sleep I reached up and took it out.  It is also quite possible Trev yanked it out of my mouth while I was sleeping, so that he to could get some rest, I tend to have a harder time sleeping with it in my mouth and probably make sucking noises to keep it in place.  Long story short, its out of my mouth and biting into my ass.  Guess it to thought my ass resembled a loaf of fresh baked bread and wanted a bite.  I now have the outline of my mouth on my ass, its a lovely sight, I recommend that look to all of you !

  At 5:30 am or there abouts it was time to wake up. Holy snappin assholes it felt like I had just closed my eyes !  Up we get, his butt still lookin fineee ! LADIESSSSSSSSSSSSSS are you with me ?  Mine now resembling a lumpy loaf of bread with a bite taken out of it.  Down we come for a cup of coffee together. I say to myself. self, your one lucky lady ! Self agreed with me fully on this one.  Another thing self and I agreed on is this. That cat is trying to kill me !!! I dont know if he has a bookie and some kind of damn good insurance plan taken out on me or what, but his sole missions in life are 1) make me stay on my toes and 2) wonder every day what I was thinking to get him, and then 2 seconds later say, I cant imagine my life without that cat !

  I am down the stairs, this time no ambush, heyyyyyyyyy things are looking up ! WRONG ! he got me the minute my feet hit the kitchen.  He leapt from out of nowhere, batted at my foot, swatted at my head, and butted his head against my hand, the whole while I am trying to make a cup of coffee, as my eyes as usual look like two piss holes in the snow.  Trevor comes back in from letting out the beast and said, that cat is spoiled, he kept butting his head against my hand, looking to be fed his moist food.  I didnt tell Trev thanks for taking the easy job of releasing the hound, and leaving me the very difficult, often times messy job of feeding, sir lick alot a fur.  I open the can, its jelly form of what the can tells me is seafood medley slips into his dish with the unforgetable THUD sound, the cat is on it like white on rice, I shove his head back, so I can add his anti furball medicine to it, his head is once again back in the dish.  Long story short, his anti furball medicine is a malt, molassas, mineral oil sticky stinky concoction made to help rid the dreaded furballs, they also forget to mention it also works as a laxitive !!!

 I manage to get maybe half of the full teaspoon of the vile junk into his dish, the other half of it is now on his head, my hands and upon further inspection, my new slippers.  Damn you furballs !!!! But it was either that or listen to him hack, spit, resemble the noise of a fresh pot of coffee just getting done perking, and then the ever present look of , mom dont you see me, Im dying here, my last request is some moist food !!!  I just hope the meds work as great for the furballs like they do the unmentioned laxitive its also used for !

  Before long the workers will be back to finish up the windows, all they need to do today is paint around the windows , surely to god they will be done before I leave for class.  I start animal nutrition today, its only for 3 weeks but I dont think its going to keep me on the edge of my seat like animal behaviours did.  Hopefully I not only get my marks back on my final exam for animal behaviours, hopefully I pass it as well.  It was a bitch to do, took me an hour, and I spent most of the weekend going over it in my head , second guessing my answers. Then I heard my dads voice in my ear, like he was standing beside me saying, to never try is to fail !  That is a life lesson I carry with me everyday.

  I am off now to find the cat, and secure him in the basement, that way there he isnt doing one of three things,

            1) hatching an escape plan
            
            2) mastering his escape plan, as the workers come in and out
   
            3) getting covered in paint, and what he does best, acting like he
                hasnt eaten in days.

 May you all be blessed with pets, who on occassion drive you nuts, but also warm your heart and make you smile. And may you all be filled with so much happiness, you can all proudly say "I"m so happy , I could shit rainbows, and fart fairy dust