Saturday Morning Stumbles

Good morning and welcome back

 The blog title should say it all , but for those of whom like me, are either still half asleep, or hung over( I fit both descriptions) let me explain.  You see I stumbled off to bed at 3am, I then stumbled out of bed at 10am to the  ever present I have to pee jig by the beast, and yes my friends, I stumbled over the damn cat in my haste to go do my pee jig.  So get comfy, get your beverage of choice and join me on my epic tale of what a fireball Friday night can entail.

  To start off with, it was all Gretchen Wilson's fault, you know the singer who sings about can I get a big hell yeah for a redneck girl like me, HELL YEAH.  You see the quart of fireball was sitting there staring at me, tempting me with its yumminess, and along comes Gretchen not only telling me to be proud of the fact that I am a redneck, but then she also sings about getting all jacked up.  Jack Daniels is whiskey I say, Fireball is whiskey, holy snappin assholes its a sign.  The bottle by this time is open and not only opened but also flowing quite well into the shot glass. Also I should mention that it was only 8:18pm.

 Fireball, country music, and the man I love with my everything are all right here, sweet baby jesus I've died and gone to heaven.  Little did I know I would wake up feeling like Id died and couldnt remember seeing the white light showing me the way.  I was like the old Irish Rovers song, wasnt that a party, my head is like a football, I think Im gonna die, you know the song, however I wasnt under our table talkin to our old tom cat.  I listened to Mary Chapin Carpenter singing to me about passionate kisses, Stompin Tom Connors sang to me about a sudbury saturday night, and theory of a dead man gave me a new line to use when I have had one hell of a bad day, for now on when Im not happy I will be saying this, so if your pissed like me, bitches this is what you gotta do, put your middle fingers up in the air , go on and say f**k you !  Now that my friends is saying it as it is.

  Trevor by this time has been into his captain morgan white rum and diet coke, and by this point is three sheets to the freakin wind.  Sad reality is he is full of wind and also ate brocoli for supper, mental note dont stand to close and DONT let him pull the covers over your head cause honey you aint gonna make it out with your eyebrows still entact, and there is also a very good chance you may not make it out alive. He is also by this point saying his classic line, hey honey guess what? "I'M TOAST" . Sweet mother of god this to is never a good sign.  This states to me that even though not 5 minutes earlier when I was singing along with Mary Chapin Carpenter about passionate kisses, I knew deep down all I was going to get was a pat on the head and the sound of snoring. 

 Trevor has been known to come out with some classic lines, from whoooooo eeeeeeee , that was all Trevi, to exclaiming to the innocent cashier at the grocery store one day that when we get married we will have to have jello and not a wedding cake because no one on my side of the family has any teeth.  I you see just before that comment had been looking at a wedding cake book.  The cashier doubled over , almost dropped my eggs and when I asked her what he had said, she replied darlin if I told you, there wouldnt be any need for you to look at wedding cake books.  Finally halfway home he tells me what he told her.  Damn fool ! For the record we all have teeth and only a few of us really enjoy jello.  He has also exclaimed quite loudly in a grocery store , for christ sakes hun dont you dare buy any more icecream, you already shit yourself once today.  Yes I have IBS however it had been awhile since the dreaded icecream attacked me .  So one day I figured hmm I will get him back. As we were going into a store, he was behind me, so I opened the door, stood back and said shit before the shovel, turned around and it wasnt Trevor behind me , but some strange woman I had never set eyes on before, you see , there were two doors and Trevor held the door open for her and was standing back grinning like a cat with a strawberry flavoured ass. I at this point could have crawled into a hole and died. She just laughed and said , husbands, you gotta love them.  I said oh hes not my husband YET !  So you see my friends, Trevor has a great sense of humour and I guess its a good thing I do as well.  May you all be blessed with people in your lives that have a great sense of humor and may you all be blessed with so much happiness that like me, you can exclaim. "I'm so happy I could shit rainbows and fart fairy dust"