Wednesday Morning Wit

Good morning and welcome back!

 Guess what people? It's hump day ! A day when you know the weekend is getting so close you can almost smell it. For me those smells are great sniffs, for example, I can smell Trevor, mmmmmmmmm nummy yummy smells. I can also smell the wonderful scent of cinnamon, yes my lovelies Im talking about Fireball.  It is a quiet day at the loveshack today, the beast and the furball from heaven or hell ( you decide) are laying on the area rug having a staring contest, wondering who is going to pounce first in their daily wrestling match. So far the beast is the contender , but the furball is sly and fast , so its always a mystery who will gain title of the gold belt.  However they both got new collars the other day. Maverick is sporting a snazzy red leather one with silver decals on it , Moses is stylin in a blue collar with a green bell, oh yes he is the pimp , all he needs now is his gold grill on his teeth and he will really be the man.

  .  We got a skiff of snow last night, just enough to remind us that , that the bitch we call winter is still upon us, but spring will soon be nipping at our heels.  I think for the first time in history the house ran smoothly this morning. I didnt have to do my war whoop to arouse the troops from their sleepy slumber.  Nor did I trip over the cat in his mad haste to the kitchen, throwing himself at my feet, looking at me as if to say, but pleaseeeeeeeeeeee Im starving , I can begin to feel my ribs.  The beast even contained his I need to pee dance into a mere jig.  Yes it was a good morning,,,, that is until 5 minutes ago .  The phone rings, and it is Isaac.  Can you bring me my sneakers and basketball jersey? I forgot them !  Holy snappin assholes !!!! if that child doesnt soon learn some organization skills soon I am going to be at my wits end.  The answer was no, I cant, I have my project to finish, no way to get them to you and oh yeah the other biggie, I HAVE CLASS !!!!  It simply amazes me that the kid can remember all of his friends phone numbers, and not only remember the numbers, but also know how to use the phone.  So sit back, get comfy, grab your drink of choice and come with me on my journey of a kid who has an addiction to a telephone.

   It started at 5pm last night, the phone rings, it is yet again for Isaac ! I tell the boy on the other end that no he isnt home yet from basketball, to which I hear back , thank you, could you please let him know cheeseman called.  I hung up the phone laughing.  Christian and Isaac are good friends, mostly because they both love cheese.  These are the kids who believe there should be a national holiday called, cheese appreciation day.  I am able to make it through eating supper and watching the Waltons, and the door flies open, yes my friend the whirlwind is back from basketball.  Shoes, coat, bookbag go flying and he almost took the dog out in his mad rush to get to the phone.  I say hold er there newt, the phone is going to ring at 7pm and its going to be for me !  My Trevi calls me everynight at 7pm after we watch the waltons, we like to keep structure.  Isaac says fine but I am using the phone as soon as you guys get done .  By 7:30pm he is chomping at the bit, he is almost frothing at the mouth .  I am doing anything and everything I can to keep Trevor on the phone just a little bit longer to proove a point to Isaac, that when your the one paying the phone bill you can be the phone natzi.  The phone is barely replaced back on the hook only to be snatched back up again , this time by little paws so excited that they are actually shaking. 

  By 8pm he is still on the phone, I give him the warning that he has 10 mins left and not a minute more as by this time he is now using the cordless and has hidden himself in the rats nest he refers to as his bedroom.  Ten minutes is now up, as is my blood pressure, I calmly pick the phone up and say, hang up the phone now because if I have to come up there, your not going to be happy.  Quick as that the conversation has ended. Ah victory yet again, damn Im good I say.  And then I get to thinking, at least he is only talking to boys on the phone, and thankfully so far no girls.  To this I say, all you little hussies out there, tread lightly because Im not afraid to go back to prison.  I also tell myself that the next time the phone rings it will be for me. Sure the phone rings within two seconds but alas it is not for me.  Much to my confusement and my dismay I am not sure if its a boy with a very high voice or,,,, the dreaded hussies decending on my innocent, yet very unorganized son.  Finally at 8:45pm he gets off the phone, only to hear me say yet again, until your 18 you live by my rules and my rules clearly state when you pay the phone bill then you can use it all you want, until then consider that your last phone call of the night.  The phone rings again and much to my happiness , it is for me ! It is Trevor calling to say sweet dreams and telling me he loves me !!!! ahhh life is great.  So if you to have kids you know what I am going through but my god, boys are worse then girls when it comes to the phone.  He sees his homies, his cheese munching declare cheese a national holiday friend and who ever else, hussies included at school all day, what in sweet jesus could they have to talk about half the night, thats what I want to know.
May you all be blessed with kids who have a dislike for talking on the phone, and may you all be filled with such happiness, you can exclaim "I"m so happy I could shit rainbows and fart fairy dust"